Maritial Bliss
by RoseCake31
Summary: L and Raito happily married? With THREE kids? Living... dare I say it... happily ever after? Trust me, it's not as bad as it sounds. If things work out, there'll be plenty of chaos... Happily ever after is a relative term. Yaoi, chocolate abuse, and more!
1. Welcome Home!

**OMG! Domestic life? For everyone's favorite homicidal maniac and his sugar crazed genius man-bitch? Impossible, you say? NEVER! For here I have created a happy, "I Love Lucy" type domestic bliss! Kinda… sorta…**

**I may or may not turn this into a full story… I'll see how many reviews I get… So if you like it, for Kira's sake, review it!**

The sun was shining. The sky was a cloudless cerulean blue. The grass was emerald green and soft underfoot. The air smelled sweetly of fresh spring blossoms, and a gentle, inviting breeze caressed the world.

Yagami Raito grinned warmly as he stepped out of his silver Mercedes, removing his stylish sunglasses. He smoothed the creases out of his expensive white shirt and walked up the flower-lined driveway, savoring the sight of his beautiful house. He had missed the house during his three-month business trip. He often daydreamed about it while sitting in dull board meetings that were held for the simple purpose of letting the older and more influential members of the company show how smart they were by blowing marketing statistics out their asses.

Raito paused outside the door, closing his eyes and sighing happily. He was so glad to be back. He knew that waiting for him would be his three wonderful children, a nice, clean house, and a drop-dead handsome spouse just waiting to be laid…

Absolutely nothing could put him out of his good mood. Nothing under the sun…

-

Contrary to Raito's happy delusions, inside the house, things were not as perfect as he imagined them to be. Clothes were strewn all over the three bedrooms upstairs, a large cake was slowly burning in the oven, and a very frazzled man was running around in a plain white apron, shrieking like a lunatic and waving a wooden mixing spoon.

"MELLO-CHAN!" He screamed up at the second floor landing. "WHERE HAS THE BAKING CHOCOLATE GONE??"

A skinny blonde boy raced across the floor, a huge basket of laundry in his scrawny arms. "I don't know! Why are you asking me?"

"Because you always eat it!"

"I didn't! I swear! I knew you needed it for the icing so I stole a Three Musketeers instead!"

The wild-eyed man ran down the hallway and skidded to a stop outside of a door plastered with "I Totally Pwned You" signs. He wrenched the door open, scaring the bejeesus out of the boy on the bed, who was stuffing video game paraphernalia into his over-packed closet.

"Matt! Have you seen the chocolate??" He yelled frantically.

"N-no! Did you ask Mello?" he said, adjusting his goggles nervously.

The man didn't reply, instead tearing out of the room like a bat out of Hell.

Finally, he ran into a room carpeted in puzzle boxes. A small boy in his pajamas was sitting on the floor, neatly arranging them into a complicated pattern. He looked up, dark eyes slightly wondering. "What is it, Dad?"

"Near!" he gasped. "I need the chocolate! Please, please tell me you know where the chocolate is!"

Near stared blankly at his father. "It's in the kitchen, Dad. Just where you put it. I was in there a second ago."

The man screamed in frustration and ran down the stairs, Sure enough, there on the kitchen counter was the bar of chocolate, just where he had left it.

He laughed in a triumphant and slightly manic fashion, holding the sugary treat high above his head in a Rocky-esque pose.

Suddenly, he glanced out the window, and he almost dropped the candy he had been searching for.

"HE'S HERE!" he screamed in a banshee-like manner. The three children came racing across the landing and pounded down the stairs, elbowing each other, each trying to be the first to the door. They ended up falling down the stairs painfully. Their father, not caring that they had been fighting, grabbed them and pulled them down the hallway and to the door.

-

Raito smiled, hand turning the brass doorknob and pushing in…

-

The four people inside desperately arranged themselves into a presentable fashion on the greeting mat, leaning forward eagerly.

The knob turned… and the door was slowly opened…

Raito grinned at his assembled family, who were standing around eagerly, exactly like in his fantasy. There was silence for a minute.

Then complete chaos ensued.

The four boys threw themselves at him, Near grabbing onto his leg, Matt his left arm, and Mello his right arm.

The dark haired-man, the absolutely huggable panda-boy, the love of Raito's life, jumped forward as if spring-loaded and attached himself to his chest, thin but incredibly strong arms enveloping him in a hug to end all hugs.

"RAITO-KUN!" the man screamed gleefully.

"DADDY!" the three clinging children yelled.

Unfortunately, the combined weight of the four personages was simply too much, and the five males crashed into a heap of jumbled limbs.

Somehow, Raito ended up beneath his partner, straddled in a not-unpleasant manner.

Raito grinned. "Nice to see you, Lawliet."

Lawliet cocked his head mischievously. "Nice to see _you_, Raito." He said, before crushing his lips to his gladly submissive lover's as the couple's three sons hugged his limbs tightly.

It was good to be home.

**So how was that? Review, even if you didn't like it, okay?**

**-Picks up Near- If you don't review, I'll kill the puzzle boy! -glances at Near, who, coincidentally, looks totally adorable- For the love of GOD, people, review! Who would want to kill this face?! -shoves Near at reader-**

**Near: Can you put me down now?**


	2. Dinner Time

**Wow! I got a LOT more reviews than I expected! That's good, though. Now I get to write more! –Evil Laughter-**

**I forgot this in the first chapter (I always do that), so here's a **

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note. If I did, I would have a lot less free time on my hands.**

The grinning family of five sat around their kitchen table, eating dinner. A faint whiff of burnt confectionary drifted around the room. The boys were chattering away about what they had been getting up to while their beloved father was away, and Raito was smiling and nodding, being careful to listen to their every word as if it were the gospel truth. Lawliet sat at the opposite side of the large rectangular table, fork halfway to his mouth and staring at his lover, a dazed expression plastering his pale face.

"… So then I told him he was a moron…"

"… Mrs. Uzumaki says I'm the smartest kid in the class…"

"… The doctor says the reason I need a new prescription is because I spend to much time playing video games, but I don't think that's true…"

Raito nodded, desperately trying to absorb all the conversations at once while stare at Lawliet while eating his dinner.

It would have been impossible for a lesser man, but Yagami Raito was the king of multitasking.

Finally, the three rambunctious boys ran out of air. Raito, taking advantage of the silence, turned to Lawliet appreciatively. "This omelet is delicious, love."

Lawliet grinned broadly. "It was just a spur of the moment thing. I was going to make something bigger, but the soufflé collapsed when Mello ran into it with the scissors…"

Raito raised an eyebrow. "I'm not even going to ask."

Near smirked. "Good idea. I'm sure Mello's still pretty touchy about his recent haircut…"

Mello glared. "Don't give me another reason to hate you, denius!"

"What the heck is a denius?"

"It's a cross between a douche bag and a genius!"

"Mello!"

"Sorry, Dad."

-

"_Raito, what's wrong?"_

_Raito looked up from his newspaper in confusion. "What do you mean, Lawliet?"_

_The detective-turned-writer gazed at his partner incredulously. "You've been upset about something all week. You won't stop moping around. And when you're in a bad mood, I'M in a bad mood, so tell me what's wrong or you won't get laid for a month."_

_Raito sighed and folded his paper. "Well, we've been together a long time now."_

"_Three years."_

"_Exactly. Well, I was just thinking… by this time, most couples have… erm… discovered ways to influence the next generation…"_

_Lawliet cocked his head to the side in perplexity. "You want to volunteer at a youth group?"_

"_Um… no."_

"_Raito-kun will have to spell it out for me, as I am quite confused."_

"_I WANT KIDS, DAMMIT!" Raito exploded in frustration. _

_Lawliet paled. "K-kids?" then he closed his eyes and started to rock back and forth in his awkward position. He started to make a disturbing little high-pitched noise that was akin to the sound squirrels make when they are mating. Then, suddenly, he burst into uncontrollable laughter._

_Raito grabbed his lover's quivering shoulder. "Lawliet! Ohmigod, you're having an epileptic fit!" he grabbed a spoon and tried to shove it in his partner's mouth. "Try not to bite your tongue in half, okay? I'm calling an ambulance!"_

_Lawliet shoved away the spoon and pointed at Raito. "You… hahahaha… are the biggest moron… hahahaha… I thought you were really worried about something… oh god… I thought you had stopped being gay or something… man, that was scary!"_

"_So you're not having a fit?"_

_Lawliet wiped away a mirthful tear. "No, Raito-chan, I'm not having a fit. In fact, I'm feeling great. I've been trying to hint that I wanted some kids for months now, but you aren't really good at picking up subliminal messages…"_

_Raito blushed. "Oh."_

_-_

"Matt, it's your turn to wash the dishes."

The video game obsessed boy pouted. "Aw, do I have to?"

Lawliet grinned. "Unfortunately, you do. Get Mello to help you if it's too difficult."

Matt grabbed his brother, who was attempting to shove a large chocolate bar down his throat. "Fine. Let's get this over with."

"Near, bed time." Raito said, ruffling his youngest son's hair.

"But Daddy," Near said, trying to hide a yawn behind his hand and failing miserably, "I'm not sleepy."

Raito picked the small boy up. "No buts. C'mon, I'll tuck you in, 'kay?"

Near nodded sleepily. "Mm hmm."

"Good boy." Raito started up the stairs.

He made his way across the landing and gently shoved Near's door open with his foot, walking into the room and laying the child (who had already fallen asleep) on the bed. He tucked the quilt, which had a pattern of puzzle pieces and had been a present from Near's biological mother, under the little boy's chin, smiling tenderly as his youngest son curled himself up under the sheets, grabbing reflexively for his worn brown teddy bear.

-

_Misa stared across the coffee table at the two men on the couch across from her. "Let me get this straight. You want Misa-Misa to have a baby for you?"_

_Raito nodded awkwardly. "Um… yeah. 'Cause, you know, men can't get pregnant. And we trust you."_

_The idol grinned. "Yay! That makes Misa-Misa happy!" She frowned suddenly. "So, do I have sex with one of you and hope that I get pregnant?"_

_Lawliet blanched. "No. We go to the fertility doctor and let him take a sample of Raito's sperm. Then they implant it into you and you get pregnant. Nine months later you have the kid and we adopt it."_

_Misa grinned. "Awesome! Anything to help my bestest friends!" She leaped across the table and glomped the two men, who stared at her awkwardly._

_-_

_Nine months passed in an instant. Misa was around the size of the Goodyear blimp and was due any day. Lawliet and Raito had been staying at her apartment so as to keep an eye on her and make sure nothing went wrong, and the blonde woman had been stealing Lawliet's chocolate to satisfy her cravings. She devoured at least three bars a day._

_Finally, the day came. Misa was brought into the delivery room around noon. Raito was taken out of the delivery room at around three o'clock because he had fainted. Lawliet, therefore, was the first man to hold their newborn son (the doctor had been a woman)._

_The child was surprisingly un-wrinkled, and was completely and utterly bald. HE did not cry, unlike the uncharacteristically emotional Lawliet, instead choosing to glare at everyone in the room. _

"_He has your scowl." Lawliet told Raito, when he came around._

_They named him Mello._


	3. Blonde Ambition

**Here it is! Chapter three! Now with fifty percent more angsty family drama! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. Surprise.**

Mello's pajamas consisted of a pale grey t-shirt and boxer shorts covered in pale blue clouds. The boxers were a bit juvenile for the fourteen-year-old Mello, but he had had them for years, and they had a certain sentimental value.

Still, he tried to hide them from his father when he came upstairs to say goodnight. He pulled the sheets up to his chest as Raito smiled at him.

"I really missed you, Mello." He said affectionately.

The blonde grinned. "I missed you too, Dad."

Raito sat down on the end of the bed. "So, did anything really important happen while I was away?"

Mello opened his mouth to speak, but stopped. "Well…"

"Mello? Did something bad happen?" a note of concern snuck into Raito's voice.

Mello shook his head. "No. Nothing bad happened. Everything was fine. I wish you had been here, though."

Raito grinned, then ruffled his oldest son's perfect blonde hair. "That's my boy." He planted a kiss on his forehead, and then turned to leave.

"Dad!" Mello called out suddenly. The older man faced his son.

"Yes?"

Mello fingered the rosary around his neck nervously. "You'd love me no matter what, right? Even if I… if I was different? Like, really different?"

Raito walked back to his son's side. "Of course, Mello. You're one of the most important people in my world. Being different is what makes you special."

Mello gazed up into his father's brown eyes worriedly. "Dad… I don't think you understand."

"Try to explain, then. I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong."

Mello stared down at his sheets.

-

_They adopted their second child. _

_Mello was five years old when Raito and Lawliet decided that they wanted another child. So they brought the small blonde infant to the orphanage and let him pick his sibling._

_It had taken almost a whole day. Mello hadn't met anyone he liked, and neither had the two prospective parents. They had almost given up hope. _

They were about to leave… they were walking out the door…

_When Mello suddenly leaped out of Raito's arms, ran full speed down the hallway, and dashed into a seemingly random room._

_The adults, of course, ran after him, worried that something was wrong. What they saw, when they entered the room, was far from troublesome._

_Mello was sitting on the floor, eyes shining with glee, and chatting vibrantly with a boy about his age who was happily showing off his goggles to the blonde. He wore a stripy shirt and had messy red hair that fell in front of his eyes to a certain degree. _

_Mello stood up, grabbing the boy's arm and dragging him alongside. "Daddy! Father! Look! He'scalledMattandhe'sreallyfunandIreallylikehim!"_

_The small, rambunctious boy took a breath. _

"_Can we keep him??"_

_-_

The sun broke, and school called to the unfortunate young members of the Yagami family. So, at eight A.M. sharp, Matt and Mello loaded themselves onto the bright yellow school bus and drove away (Near went to a private kindergarten).

Mello settled into his seat beside his best friend, Matsuda Kikyo. She was a pretty girl, in a cute sort of way, and was one of the most pronounced tomboys in the school. Her father was a good friend of Raito and Lawliet.

"How was your weekend, Choco?" she asked, a wry smiled playing across her lips as she used the familiar pet name.

Mello shrugged. "It was nice, Dad came back last night and we all had a good time."

An older boy whistled as walked past them. It was widely assumed that they were a couple around the school.

They had absolutely no idea how wrong they were. Because only Kikyo and Mello knew the truth.

They were the only two people in the world that knew that Mello was gay.

-

"_I think I'm in love with Matt."_

_Mello and Kikyo were sitting at the park, Mello nonchalantly chomping on a chocolate bar while Kikyo threw breadcrumbs to pigeons. She looked up at her friend with a shocked expression._

"_But he's your brother!"_

_Mello held up a finger and paused his snacking. "ADOPTED brother." He resumed his munching._

_The tomboy considered that for a second. "I suppose that DOES make it a little less creepy."_

_Mello looked offended. "How is it creepy?"_

"_It's incest."_

"_It's not incest if he's adopted."_

_Kikyo sighed. "Okay, whatever._

"_But that does make things a little more confusing, doesn't it?"_

_Mello nodded. "Yeah. It does."_

"_Are you going to tell him?"_

_The blonde spluttered. "What? Hell no!"_

_Cocking an eye, Kikyo continued to feed the pigeons. "Why not?"_

_Mello crossed his arms and pouted. "I don't want to. It would be embarrassing. And I mean, it's hardly as if he feels the same way."_

**-gasp- I've been bitten by the Matt x Mello bug! The effects of it's poison are irreversible! Someone help meeee!**

**Did you know that every time you don't review, an innocent author dies a slow and painful death? It's true. So review! It's for a good cause.**


	4. What DON'T We Know?

**Chapter four arrives! Sorry for the delay, I was busy with school. My teachers are evil. Oh, and this chapter has a fruity surprise!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, though I do have L chained to a wall in my bedroom and I am never going to let him go.**

**L: Do you know how creepy that makes you sound?**

**RC31: Yes. Now get back on the wall. Oh, and I ironed your leather pants so they'd be ready for you.**

**L: -mutters- forty percent…**

Raito sighed, collapsing into one of the armchairs in the living room. He pushed his hair back from his face, tired.

Lawliet lowered himself onto a nearby sofa, crouching into his customary strange position. He cocked his head and smiled at his partner.

"So how did the trip go?" he asked.

Raito shrugged. "Eh, the usual. The executives talked about money, the executives complained about money, the executives explained about money, and then the executives came up with new ways to get money." He rolled his eyes. "Like they need any more."

Lawliet chuckled. "It is rather amusing that you are upset that we have more money than we need instead of less."

Raito glanced at the black-eyed man. "It's not about the money, Lawliet. I'm just annoyed that I had to go to America for three months so I could attend a ridiculous string of intolerably dull meetings." He caught his lovers' eyes. "And anyway, I missed you."

Lawliet crawled into the chair beside Raito, somehow managing to fit inside without getting squished. He wriggled slightly closer to Raito, resting his head on the man's shoulder and grinning in a way that was both sweet and seductive.

"How much did you miss me?"

-

_Lawliet moaned into Raito's mouth as the younger man stroked his body, gently caressing his waist and stomach before moving downward to grasp the other man's erection. Lawliet almost bit his tongue in half._

_Raito pushed Lawliet's hair out of his pale face, tenderly wiping away the sheen of sweat that covered his forehead. Lawliet's eyes flickered as the younger man increased the speed of his hand job._

_Slowly, Raito inserted a lube-covered finger into Lawliet's entrance making the man cry out, a strangled moan. He kissed him, distracting him from the pain, and inserted another finger, and another, stretching him until he was ready. _

_Lawliet grabbed onto Raito's back, fingernails digging into the soft flesh as he tried to mute his growing groans and whines as Raito eased himself into Lawliet, cock slowly becoming submerged in the other man's body. Lawliet screamed as he pulled out and rammed back in, hitting the older man's prostrate head on. He babbled incoherently, the mixture of pleasure and pain making him completely unintelligible. _

_Soon they came, collapsing onto each other in a jumbled heap, wrapping each other in a passionate embrace as they drifted of to sleep in each other's arms._

_That was their first time._

-

Raito smiled. "More than you can imagine."

Smirking, Lawliet stretched up and placed a kiss on his lover's slim lips. "Oh, I think I can."

-

Up in his room, Matt couldn't sleep. He had tried everything- playing his games, listening to his iPod, even counting sheep- but still he was awake.

From an early age, Matt had been an insomniac. When he was still in the orphanage he would wander the halls at night, to afraid to go to sleep. He would have nightmares, horrible nightmares… where he was being tied up and hit, or people would hurt him, or he would fall off the roof of a building. He almost never slept at the orphanage.

When Raito and Lawliet adopted him, they soon figured out that he couldn't sleep, and they sent him to a psychiatrist. The man couldn't exactly figure out why Matt was having the dreams, but he prescribed some medication, and soon Matt was sleeping the pleasantly dreamless sleep of the hopelessly drugged up.

Every so often, though, Matt would forget to take his pills, and the dreams would come back.

And so Matt became a selective insomniac.

Right now, the situation was not advantageous. His Dad had just gotten back from being away for three months, and his Father was sure to take advantage of the fact that neither of them had ad sex in that entire time.

There was a thump and a moan from downstairs. Matt groaned and stuck his headphones on, hoping to drown his parents out with the use of heavy metal.

It didn't work.

-

There was a knock on Mello's door. He scowled, hurled himself out of bed, and yanked it open.

Matt was standing in the hallway holding a large pillow under his arm. "Can I stay here for tonight? Dad and Father are making so much noise I can't concentrate, and I really need to beat the boss on this level."

Mello blinked. "Um… sure."

Matt settled himself onto the ground, making a nest for himself out of pillows and spare blankets. He casually flipped this DS's lid and began tapping away at the keys at a furious speed, mouth slightly open.

Mello stared at his adopted brother, heart pounding as he became fixated on his mouth. The way it had just fallen open, his delicate lips glistening, his tongue running over the tips of his teeth when he became nervous. Matt had astonishingly white teeth, perhaps because he was the only person in the house who ate normally. Lawliet ate sweets all the time, Raito was always munching away on consommé flavored potato chips, Mello had his chocolate, and everyone suspected that Near ate his toys.

Matt, personally, liked celery.

Suddenly, he felt a strange tug in his chest, a longing, a hunger. He raised his eyes from the game, and they darted around the room nervously. He stood up, and without warning ran out of the room. Mello, for once in his life, was speechless.

After a moment, Matt returned, cradling something in his hands. He dropped the things to the floor and knelt down beside them.

It was a packet of cigarettes and a small lighter.

He pulled one of the white rolls out of the box and flicked his lighter open, making smoke spiral into the air. He inhaled, sucking the smoke into his lungs.

Gaping, Mello said, "You smoke?"

Matt nodded, resuming play on his gameboy.

"Since when do you smoke??"

"Since I was twelve." He said, not looking up from his game.

"That's three years!"

"Yes, it is."

The two boys sat in silence.

"So," Mello said finally. "Anything else I don't know about you?"

**OMG. I snuck a lemon in! Sure, it was a flashback lemon, but a citrus fruit is a citrus fruit.**

**Next chapter: Mello discovers that sometimes a cigarette is just a cigarette. Stay tuned!**


	5. Oops

**AN: I don't own Death Note. Pooh.**

"Um… I've beaten Halo 3 fifteen times already?"

Mello whacked the redhead upside the head with a pillow. "I know that, you moron!"

Matt rubbed his head. The pillow-smack hadn't actually hurt, but his fragile fifteen year-old ego was bruised. He glared at Mello, who had by now opened a chocolate bar and was happily munching away.

Matt grabbed the chocolate out of the blonde's hands and, before he had time to react, snapped it into two neat pieces and threw them out the window, into the garden below.

Mello gaped at the be-goggled redhead, who had returned to his gameboy and was calmly inhaling a cancer stick. He grabbed the teen by the shoulders, shaking him violently, eyes' wild.

"YOU THREW MY CHOCOLATE OUT THE WINDOW!!" he screeched in mindless fury.

"Yes, I did."

"WHY??"

"Because you hit me with a pillow."

"THAT'S NO EXCUSE! What did the chocolate ever do to you?" Mello had stopped shaking him and was now sitting on the carpet limply, lower lip trembling ominously.

Matt patted him on the shoulder awkwardly. "Um… geez, Mel, sorry… I uh, didn't know the chocolate meant so much to you…"

"It's not the chocolate, it's the principal of the thing!" Mello shrieked emotionally. "The chocolate was innocent! The chocolate never did anything bad in its' life! The chocolate's only crime was to give me pleasure! It was its' goal in life! And you snuffed it out, right in its' prime!!"

Matt threw up his hands. "I can't believe we're having an argument about this!"

"The chocolate had as much of a right to live as any of us!!"

"Don't you think you're over reacting?"

"THE CHOCOLATE ONLY WANTED TO BE FREE!!"

Matt grabbed the overwrought boy by the shoulders. "Mello! Calm down!"

"AIEEEEE!!" The blonde screamed, losing all semblance of sanity.

"Mello! I'm gay, and I totally want you in my pants!"

Mello stopped screaming. "Really?"

Matt blushed. "Um… well, I wanted to get your attention…"

"Answer the question, Matt."

"I don't _not _like you in a way that is more romantic than brotherly, but I do _not do_ like you like that…"

"MATT!"

The boy stood up abruptly, spilling cigarettes everywhere. "I'M GOING TO BED!" he yelled angrily, face flushed as red as his hair.

"FINE!" Mello hollered back.

"I'M LEAVING NOW!"

"GREAT! I DON'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU ANYMORE, ANYWAY!"

"FINE!"

"FINE!"

"FINE!"

"FINE!!"

Matt stomped out, slamming the door behind him. Mello stood up and walked across the room, scowling and trying to hold back the lump in his throat.

-

"Did you hear something upstairs?" Raito said, perched precariously on top of L.

"Raito. This really isn't the time." The panda-man panted, writhing uncomfortably under his lover.

"Oh. Right. Sorry."

-

Mello yanked open his dresser drawer, rooting through the candy wrappers and random bits of string until he found what he wanted. He slammed the drawer closed and ripped the chocolate bar open with his teeth before biting of a huge chunk. He sat down on the bed, pouting as he chewed.

Tears threatened to spill out of his eyes. He didn't want to argue with Matt. He wanted to rip off Matt's clothes and fuck him against a wall. And getting into fights was definitely not going to make that situation happen any sooner.

He sighed. _I wonder what it tastes like to kiss someone who smokes?_ He thought. _Probably like licking a cigarette. I bet he tastes awful. I bet he's a bad kisser and he whines after sex. I bet he's clingy and annoying and… well, like mom…_

But in his heart, Mello knew the truth. Matt probably was a fantastic kisser who tasted wonderful and wasn't the least bit clingy or irritating.

_Love sucks donkey balls. _The blonde fifteen year-old conceded, taking a chunk out of his chocolate bar.

Suddenly, the door burst open and a stripey blur flew through the air and onto Mello, knocking him backwards over the bed. With a yelp he landed on the floor, hitting his back and freaking out because someone, some_thing,_ that resembled a zebra riding a cheetah was _hugging him._

"Mello! I'm sorry I yelled at you and I didn't mean to make you upset and I'll buy you some new chocolate and I promise I won't get mad at you again and I'm sorry!"

"M-Matt?" Mello gulped as the video game addicted redhead squeezed him tightly. "Um… okay?"

Matt didn't let go.

"Uh… Matt? Please let go."

No sign of release.

"Matt? Matty? Seriously, I really need you to get off." Mello said, a note of panic sneaking into his voice.

"I don't want to let go."

"Matt!" more desperate this time. "Matt, trust me on this one, you really want to let go!"

The boy in the goggles suddenly looked up at the blonde, a puzzled expression on his face. "Um, Mel? Do you have a pencil in your pocket? There's something hard sticking into my thigh."

**Gasp! Is Mello's secret exposed?? Will Raito and Lawliet have sex in peace? Will Matt return Mello's affections? How the hell is near sleeping through all of this? **

**Why are you asking me?? I'm making this up as I go along!!**

**Suggestions welcome, BTW. **

**Thanx to: MiaoShou, MattTheGamer, Skyhe, orange sheep of the flock, PirateCaptainBo, love lawliet, shi-4 shi-4, foulodron, Ivora, ****unfortunateforever, xxx-ServantoftheStar-xxx, Zian Shiory, memyselfsessy93, ****Eternaldeath13, Yin-san, Deliciously Tormented., DaggerMutt, Miss Itachi Uchiha, CheeseFaerieXXL, Hari-Aisu, asalasalan, Amorpheous, MysteriousPenname, Synonymous Brian, Teh Tainted Valentine, romulus-girl, Sanya Kielo, and Saecula. Your reviews make my day!!**


	6. PENCIL?

**AN: I AM SO SORRY!! –GROVELS-**

**I feel so bad that I haven't updated this! But I have an excuse! Here's what happened:**

**I was writing a chapter, happily minding my own business, when I got bored and looked out the window for inspiration. SUDDENLY I see this BLACK NOTEBOOK SHAPED THING fall from the sky and land outside in my mom's rose bushes! I ran outside, dug through the bushes, got scratched pretty badly, but finally found what the thing was:**

**THAT'S RIGHT. A DEATH NOTE FELL FROM THE SKY INTO MY BACKYARD.**

**I used it. And now I feel bad. Because I went TOTALLY Raito and tried to become God and got into this huge long fight with the international police and this detective who had a really weird name and THEN, finally, after a HUGE BATTLE with this kid MY OWN SHINIGAMI betrayed me and I died. DX**

**That's right. I AM KIRA.**

**(But I came back to life and now I'm updating X3)**

To the innocent bystander, Near was a darling little boy. He was adorable, innocent and sweet as could be.

Actually he was an evil fiend with a mind to rival his Father's.

This was why Near was huddled in the air vent that led into Matt's room, armed with a video camera and a Transformers action figure.

He was staring intently out the slitted vent at his two adopted brothers, filming them lying on top of each other with a devious grin plastered onto his face.

Yes, Near was truly an evil child.

-

_Pencil? _Mello thought to himself. _What does he mean, pencil? My dick is probably three times the size of his! _This thought made him get even harder, and he face-palmed internally.

Matt cocked his head, a questioning look on his face. "Mel…?" He glanced down…

And burst into laughter. Mello gaped as his brother rolled off of him and onto the floor, screeching with giggles. Astonishment quickly turned to anger, and Mello glared at his giggling brother, gritting his teeth and blushing, while trying to stop the tenting effect of his boxers.

Matt sat up, wobbling awkwardly. "Omigod… you've got an erection… LMAO!!"

Did he actually just SAY LMAO? He needs to stop playing so many video games…

"I do not find this humorous, _Matt._" Mello growled, fuming.

"But… you're hard… God, Mel, you're just so _cute!_" Matt grinned and leaned over, hugging his shocked brother.

Mello almost had a heart attack.

Matt snickered. "Mel, do you like me?"

"O-of course I like you! You're my brother!" Mello fumbled around, his face bright red.

"No, Mel," Matt said, "do you _like _like me? Answer carefully now."

"So what if I DO?!" Mello yelled, eyes squeezed tight shut in embarrassment. "It's not like anyone would care or anything-"

Mello gasped as Matt leaned in and planted a kiss on his forehead. His face turned blue, then green, then red, then purple, before finally settling on white. The young boy's eyes rolled up into his head and he fell backwards, pulling Matt with him.

Matt let out a yelp of dismay as his brother collapsed, out cold. He peeled back Mello's eyelid and checked his pulse.

Mello was out like a broken lightbulb in an electrical storm. Matt considered going to ask his parents for help, then remembered the noises that had been coming from downstairs. He settled on cuddling the sleeping Mello like a body pillow and falling soundly asleep.

-

In the ceiling, Near was laughing so hard it made the aluminum vents shake and quiver.

_-_

"Mhwamht mwhash shatsh shenoishe?"

Lawliet moaned in frustration. "What, Raito??"

Raito opened his mouth wider, letting Lawliet's manhood fall out of his mouth. "I said, what was that noise?"

"This is hardly the time, Rai-Rai-Chan!" Lawliet cried, arching his hips.

"But I-"

"RAITO!" Lawliet yelled. "COMMENCE YOUR PREVIOUS ACTION!"

"Slavedriver."

"Cock tease."

"Whatever." Raito complied with Lawliet's request.

**AN: Okay, so.., this was kind of a short chapter. But I'm just trying to get back into the swing of things! So don't kill me for being consice…**

**Did you know that everytime someone reviews a story, and angel gets his wings? Or something like that…**


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